You’re reading my face and I really wish you wouldn’t.

It makes me feel naked.

Naked like the first day of sixth grade.

Naked like sending a love note to a boy.

Naked like putting a swim suit on for the first time that year.

Do I smell bad? Is my lip gloss smeared? Can you see that I’m hiding? Will he laugh? Am I fat? Can you read my expression?

All of this is going through my head. Silently these thoughts at one time have sloshed through my head like sewage draining into lake lanier. Because I am readable and insecure.

that’s what I am. I’m insecure and scared that you can read that.

if you could read me totally and completely you’d know that I should be named margie. It is true that I have given this much thought over the years, and I have come to the overwhelming conclusion that the name my parents provided at birth is inappropriate and not a true reflection of my personality. When I give my name to a stranger I feel they hear my name and automatically expect what a name like mine should be able to provide. But I can’t live up to my name, therefore letting down every single person I come in contact with. The name margie also comes with its own expectations, I see margie being a flat chested, frizzy haired, middle aged women with tree cats and courage that size of a thimble. I’m not saying that any of the later describe me… you can decide that for yourself if we ever meet. But you have to agree that it would be hard to let someone down with a name like margie. And that safety is terribly attractive.

If you could read me all the way through you would already know that I have a secret obsession with simulating real life drama in my head. Using this method I can take everything in my life into my own hands. I can slap anyone in the face, and I can give attitude with amazing come backs without nervously acquiring and awkward stutter. I can also play a love song beautifully on guitar to the man I love who also happens to love me back. And all of this without leaving the safety of my own head. This safety is also very attractive.

And that’s who I am I guess. I’m a safe person with an overactive imagination. I’m afraid you’ll see that I’m insecure and readable but that doesn’t mean I’m a person you wouldn’t love to know. I am the most interesting person you’ll ever meet. At your funeral I will have the most beautiful and pleasant memories to recall. I will be loyal to you as your friend and family. I will sing happy birthday to you in Hebrew and buy you a red lacey thong for your 50^th wedding anniversary. I will love you more with everyday I know you, and I will tell you because I’m not ashamed to love. We’ll be each other’s kindred spirits.

-margie